(I started writing this earlier in the week, and things have just been too crazy to get it finished sooner!)
Our first year in the states has gone by so quickly. It honestly feels like I’ve always been here, like I never left. I’ve so completely fit into life here, it makes me wonder if the time I spent in France was even real (you know, if it weren’t for the French husband and son with two passports).
I am very much someone who lives in the present and who loves looking towards the future, so try as I might, I can’t pull up any memories from France that might make me really miss it. I mean, I miss friends and my in-laws, but it’s not like we saw them every single day, and with social media connecting everyone so effortlessly, I still know what they’re doing and can say a quick hello whenever I want. My feed hasn’t changed much in the past year, it’s still a mix of French and English (though a bit more skewed political things in English right now…).
But so much else has changed, maybe that’s why it’s hard to remember life from before the move. There’s so little that is the same, it pushes everything else out. There’s a line I love from Peter Pan (the book, not the movie), saying that Tinkerbell is so small, she can either be entirely good or entirely bad, there’s not room for both at one time. And it feels a little like that. I’m here now, so I’m 100% here. I think enjoying my job so much really helps as well to make me feel so satisfied in my life right now.
It will be interesting to see how I feel during our vacation in France this spring. Our life there was a good one, and we really had no pressing reason to leave, other than we wanted to see what life is like here (and a suspicion that professionally we’d be better off that turned out to be true). And just because I think it’s great here doesn’t mean it wasn’t also great back in France. I just don’t have room in me to miss something while I’m busy enjoying something else.
As good as I feel, I know my husband isn’t quite where I am yet. He is enjoying his job and has said he definitely sees his life here now, but he’d rather live in New Hampshire than Massachusetts for political reasons. So I know he’s still searching for his “happy place.” As crazy as life is right now (apartment hunting in Boston isn’t quite as bad as in Paris, but you do need to hustle), I think I can say that I’ve found mine for the moment. And Monkey’s fine wherever we are, as long as there’s macaroni and cheese.